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'Twas a Strike Before Christmas...

by Aaron Kuller

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Originally appeared in Dovetail #1

It was a dramatic decision which shocked us all: Taking advantage of the North American Free Trade Agreement, Santa Claus and his committee of corporate affiliates have moved large segments of his state-sanctioned toy making business to Mexico, leaving behind literally thousands of the loyal elves in the north pole. The remaining employed elves, fearing for their job security, have responded with a strike. “This is ridiculous”, commented a striking elf, “All this ‘Jolly Saint Nick’ nonsense is so frivolous. I have been selflessly making toys for little children every day of my life for forty years, and he repays me by leaving me without a means to support my family?”

Santa Claus’ Public Relations Firm justifies their decision by insisting that expanding to Mexico was necessary in order to keep up with the highly competitive nature of the globalized economy. Santa himself commented today, “elves are out of style. Child Labor is the hip new wave of the modernized economy. Besides, my corporate advisory board did a cost-benefit analysis, and amazingly enough, we discovered that it is much more profitable to overwork some six year old little girl in Mexico who is willing to work for pennies an hour than to retain an elf employee. Elves are too demanding. When you hire an elf, you have to worry about job safety, breaks, health benefits, reasonable pay… All they do is complain, complain, complain. What will they want next? Paid Vacation?”

The elves’ decision to strike was unanimous. “We’re in it for the long hall. There was once a time when Holidays were about spending time with your love ones and bonding together as a community. Now, as every facet of people’s lives become increasingly commodified, Christmas has become synonymous with mandatory consumption. The consequence is that people are so worried about doing their holiday shopping that they become quiescent when it comes to social issues”, a Union Organizer wrote in a communiqué.

It’s high time that elves won their rights. However, they can’t do it with out your much needed help! Make a conscious effort to boycott sweatshop products!